The Next Nielsen

A lot has happened in the last 12 hours. My, how it’s flown by.

Steph’s labor progressed very quickly Before we knew it, it was time to push. That started somewhere around 2am. There was a bit of a hold up because the epidural somewhat inhibited Steph’s ability to focus her strength, so it got backed down a bit.  And we waited. About 30 minutes later it was time to start pushing again, and Steph was much more able to focus her effort.

Unfortunately at about that same time her contractions started to die off and become very irregular. At that point she was started on Pitosin, which would help her contractions become stronger and more frequent. And we waited.

Finally the contractions returned and the pushing resumed. It didn’t seem to take too long and she was here. Steph was amazing. I couldn’t imagine anyone being more focused and cool under what most people would agree is the most pressure a woman will ever face.

And so, at 4:42am on December 10th, 2007, out came Linnea Ann Nielsen weighing 7 pounds and 10 ounces and measuring 20 inches.

With that I will leave you, and leave this blog to begin a new journey over at www.linneanielsen.com. I hope you’ll join me. To sweeten the pot I have posted her first ever pictures over there. Make sure to check them out.

Holy Cow! They just broke Steph’s water. I can’t go into detail, but wow.

Her labor is already speeding up as a result. Contractions are stronger and more painful. The epidural question is a lot closer to being answered. Strike that, it’s answered. “I’m not going to be a hero” mom says.

Baby’s still doing good. Steph’s up in a chair and feeling better sitting up.

Well, this is it. This evening Steph thought her water broke, but it wasn’t the gush you see in the movies– more like a trickle. About that same time she started having contractions and they were quite close together, at times as close a 2 minutes. After a little while they slowed down to 5 or so minutes apart but got more intense, so we called the hospital and they said it sounded like we ought to call the doctor. We called the doctor and she said it was a good idea to go to the hospital to get checked out.

Once we got here we went to triage and got examined and even though her water hadn’t in fact broke it was about ready to and she was already 4 (nearly 5) centimeters dilated!

So now we’re in a room and just finished answering a bunch of questions (for the second time. We made all our phone calls and sent enough text messages to ensure a good 4th quarter for Verizon.

So far so good. The heartbeat is strong and the contractions are pretty regular. Steph isn’t in much pain as of yet. Will she wind up with an epidural? Stay tuned!!!

I have been thinking a lot lately about ‘lasts’, as in “is this my last weekend  without a baby” or  “is this my last gator game” et cetera. This sounds negative, but for me really it’s not, it’s just more curiosity. Everyone tells me that my life is going to change, and that it will never be the same, but for the better.

It occurred to me the other day though that you never hear anyone talk about their lasts. You never hear about that last anything once they have kids, you only hear about the firsts. You’ll never hear someone say “I remember our last weekend before we became parents” but people will go to their graves with the image of their child’s first steps burned into their memory, and that’s really exciting.

So I thought I would take a moment and reflect on some of the firsts I have to look forward while in the midst of so many lasts:

• My first sight of her
• Her first breath
• Her first cry
• My first chance to kiss her
• Her first time grasping my finger
• The first time I look into her eyes
• Her first smile
• Her first steps
• Her first words
• The first time she tells Amme “No!”
• The first time she tells me she loves me
• The first time she understands what it means when I tell her I love her
• The first time she helps me dig a hole in the ground to plant a flower
• Her first day at school
• The first time I have to put the fear of god into some boy that likes her
• Her first (and last) ‘C’ on her report card
• The first time she can mow the lawn
• Her first kiss, and finding out about it 3 weeks later
• The first time she falls in love
• The first time I can mend her broken heart
• The first glance of her in her wedding gown
• My first chance to ask her ‘how about some grandchildren’
• The look in her eyes when the first realizes all of the amazing firsts in front of her

Sort of makes it easy to understand why the lasts fade from memory.

We took our first “newborn care” class last night and we learned a lot of interesting things that some may want or need to know, or at least find interesting. Next class we learn all the calming tricks (we’re actually watching ‘The Happiest Baby on the Block’ for those who are familiar with it) as well as the dreaded ‘changing diapers’ but this week we learned some more general info about parenting and infant needs.

• This first one is the most interesting to me, which I already knew but didn’t know how important it was, which is this: a baby who is attended to quickly in the first 3 months will cry significantly less from 3 months all the way to two years. That is to say that the old theory of letting a baby “cry it out” is not only less effective in the short run but also  makes the long run that much worse. The basic idea is that an infant under 3 months has no wants, only needs. When any of their needs are not being met they do what they need to have those needs met. That usually starts with squirming or squeaking a bit. Crying is an extreme response the the baby resorts to when more subtle responses have not been effective. Does this mean that every time your baby cries it’s in extreme distress? Of course not. In fact, babies only have one cry so they will cry just as loud/hard/long no matter which of their needs is not being met, which is to say a burp and hunger will produce the same excruciating cry. But, by getting to your baby quickly whenever possible, before that last resort response in invoked, they will be easier to calm in the first three months and will be less likely to resort other ‘extreme responses’ later in life.
• In addition to the above, studies have found that children who’s needs are quickly attended to have better relationships with children their own age later in life.
• On average, a newborn  cries 1-3 hours a  day, and does not only cry when something is wrong, though normally their cry is a response to something  being  wrong.  Any  attempts  to  calm the baby should be tried for at least 2 minutes or not at all. In other words, if you are shushing your baby either be prepared to do it for 2 minutes or don’t do it. The good news is that most things work within 2 minutes. I’ll be honest, I am not so sure about this one in practice, but it’s a sound idea and warrants consideration.
• Beets, turnips, carrots, collard greens & spinach should not be prepared at home until the baby is 1 year old. Commercially grown root vegetables are usually grown in high-nitrogen soils and the nitrogen can leech into the vegetables in quantities that can be harmful to infants. Even organic produce does not guarantee a lack of nitrogen as an organic designation pertains mainly to pesticides, and not to natural soil conditions. Even if you grow these things on your own back yard, if you do not know your soil conditions you are taking a risk. Ingredients from companies like Gerber and other baby food producers are grown under very strict conditions and are therefore safe. This is an important distinction as these foods are not harmful in and of themselves but should not be prepared at home. In case anyone doesn’t already know, honey and tree nuts also should not be given under any circumstances in the first year.
• The American Academy of Pediatrics strongly discourages spanking, as it has been conclusively shown as a precursor to infanticide (that’s precursor, not cause) and has been shown to be among the least effective of behavioral modification techniques. Now, I don’t have a strong opinion on the matter, I wasn’t spanked much, and had never assumed I would spank my child much and never assumed I wouldn’t ever spank. I suppose my feelings going into things is that it is a last resort to be used in extreme circumstances when no other method is working. I can’t say that my overall opinion has shifted from that, but it’s food for thought. There should always be a better way of getting your intended result than resorting to negative physical stimulus. An example that was given is that if the consequence of a child running out into the street is that they get a spanking, then what happens when you’re not around and the threat of the spanking is off the table? Instead, in this example, the teacher suggested to give an exaggerated response of fear, even to the point of pretending to cry, and let your child know that what they did was dangerous and scared you. Your child’s desire to make you happy and their desire to not hurt you will always be stronger than the fear of a spanking and you’re building the foundation  of character and responsibility. Can I say I will never ever spank? Of course not. But knowing that it is at best a bad short term solution and at worst holds the potential of doing long term damage I will certainly think long and hard before I ever do.
• America has the highest rate of infanticide and the highest rate of spanking. Sweden has the lowest rate of infanticide (0.01% of the U.S. rate) and corporal punishment is illegal there. Correlation or coincidence? You be the judge.
• During the 1990s over 90% of children were spanked. In the first half of this decade, 2000-2005, that number has not gone down at all.
• Only 1 in 12 daycare centers are rated ‘good quality’. Six in 7 are rated as ‘poor quality’.
• The number one problem day care centers face is a lack of staffing that results in caretakers being unable to provide the best of care for every child, resulting in at least one child being given less than optimal care. While there are federal regulations dictating the ratio of children to caregivers, these regulations are absolute minimums and are unfortunately the norm. Although those minimums are always supposed to be maintained the reality is that often times a caretaker is out sick and there are no ’substitute teachers’ in the daycare world, thus each remaining caretaker has to pick up the slack and all of the children under there care get less than optimal care. Is this the end of the world? Probably not. The fact is though that at any point a child’s needs may have to be ignored to a certain extent. What if it’s your child? Who’s to say what needs can slide and what needs trump the other crying baby? And what of all that attention you’ve paid to avoiding the “cry it out” paradigm? Now your child is spending 5 days a week with someone who has no other option? Better day care centers will have 1 caregiver for every 4 infants, and those are the good ones. But even with the best caregivers with the best intentions, taking care of 4 infants at once, one of which probably colic, one of which has an ear infection and another who is sick, what are the chances that your happy healthy baby is the one that gets attention, and what’s more, what are the chances that it comes home as happy and healthy as when you dropped it off? Very interesting and certainly something I never even considered.
• Most babies will not sleep through the night (10 hours or more) until they are a year old. My gut response to this is ‘crap’ but I don’t remember the last time I got 10 hours sleep and after the sleep deprivation I am getting ready to experience that will feel like a vacation.
• On average a child does not become fully potty trained until they are 3 years old. Girls usually get it a little quicker, but spend the rest of their lives complaining how hard it is to pee in public places and the side of the road.
• This one is important. Studies show a very significant drop in the SIDS rate for babies who sleep on their backs and for this reason an infant should always be made to sleep on their back unless your pediatrician explicitly states otherwise.  The reasons for this are not completely known, but the correlation is undeniable.
• Recent studies suggest that a pacifier may help lower the risk of SIDS, although this is not proven.
• This last one is a bit of a hot topic, but there has recently been very limited studies that suggest that common immunizations may be linked to Autism.  The fact is, the specific study that “suggested” this theory was very small, and flawed at its core. Many, many studies since have shown no correlation between the two and despite the fact that modern immunizations are now mercury-free (the theory was that the mercury was causing the Autism) the Autism rate is unfortunately still on the rise. Simply put, we don’t know the reason the rate is rising, but we know what reasons are not the cause. It also stands to reason that the risks your child faces by not being immunized FAR outweigh the potential downsides. Simply put, there is no science linking immunizations and Autism, only theories, and poorly formed ones at that. It is unfortunate that this unfounded scare tactic is causing parents to put their children at risk for serious, legitimately life threatening diseases that were cured decades ago. This is of particular concern to us, as Gainesville has a particularly large Hare Krishna population. Krishnas do not believe in immunizations, which is certainly their right, but it does put other non-immunized individuals around them at greater risk.

That’s it for now everyone. Hope that you found some interesting tidbits and I hope to hear everyone’s thoughts on the facts and opinions above

We got to hang out with Justin and Lexi this weekend for the Gator game. Unfortunately Lexi’s incredible cuteness couldn’t make up for the Gator’s incredibly lack of defense (or offense, or special teams), but still a good time was had by all and of course, I was right there with my camera.

For those who don’t know, we had a shower over the weekend. From what I hear it couldn’t have gone any better (see photos from the shower courtesy of Tiffany).

At the shower many asked Steph how the nursery was shaping up so we decided to make a video for the rest of this week’s information, the belly shot, and the nursery.

If you can’t see the above video for any reason you can also see it here.

Enjoy!

I was driving after work today to pick up Steph and as I often do when nobody else is on the car, I was singing at the top of my lungs. I’ve been thinking about the things I want to give my daughter and chief among them is a love of music. Music has touched my life deeply, both in my appreciation for playing it, and in my appreciation to listening to it. It has relieved me when stressed, inspired me and taught me. I fancy myself a strong man, but to this day there’s a song that will me cry like a baby and there’s also a song that still makes me believe I can do anything, 10 years after the day I first heard it. I won’t divulge into the nature/nurture argument here but when I was in second grade I decided I wanted to be in band. My parents nurtured that desire and I spent the next ten years learning how to read and play music, and eventually how to think and feel music.

To that end, as I was driving and shouting at the top of my lungs, I thought it would be good to pick up the old guitar and play and sing for the ‘lil squirt. You know, as a way of imparting music to her early on and also as a way of bonding with her. And then it hit me, the bonding thing. All this time I’ve been so focussed on the birth, on meeting her, on the first days, that I have barely dreamt of the mundane things that will define the first chapter of my fatherhood. The milestones are important, and thus they have gotten all of the attention. But the mundane things, like watching her sleep, holding her, smelling her, singing to her, teaching her and learning from her, will be what amaze me every minute I am with her and I’m at a loss to describe how excited I am.

I think a lot of people in my situation would feel, justifiably so, a certain amount of fear for something so big and unknown being so close to the horizon. And while it’s certainly true that from time to time I get a little lost in the enormity of it all, I find that the closer it gets, the happier I am. Today it hit me like a ton of bricks: it’s close, and I am thrilled.

A special nod to Hootie and the Blowfish, who’s words inspired this post.

It seems a little odd to me that at this point we don’t even know how to change a diaper (well, I don’t at least) and we’re already having to chose a pediatrician. We’re so focussed on the present, and of course the impending birth (tomorrow is the 100 days to go mark) that the future, even the immediately after birth future feels to be chapters away in this little book we’re writing.

Nevertheless these doctor types like to have their ducks in a row well ahead of time so our OB/GYN pretty much said, after a couple of warnings, that next time we see her we better have a name to put down on that line that’s been sitting blank.

So this morning we went and “interviewed” a pediatric group that our dear friends Justin and Ali suggested to us. Ali is a nurse in pediatric oncology and one of the doctors she works with has a wife that is in this pediatric group. Ali’s recommendation carries  a lot of weight and her’s and Justin’s review was nothing less than gleaming. I’ll spare the nitty gritty but let’s just say the praise was entirely warranted. I’m no expert on the matter but I couldn’t imagine wanting more from a practice. They do a lot of things that are no longer orthodox, like spending a full 30 minutes with every office visit, regardless of how long the matter at hand requires. Many practices will spend no more than 10 minutes with a patient and try to keep it lower than that even. They also make themselves available 24/7 by openly sharing their personal contact info when appropriate, and are part of a true all hours sort of network of pediatricians so we’re no more than a phone call and a drive away from seeing a real pediatrician 24/7/365, and at office visit rates, not ER rates. They also do a lot of other things that simply show that they care about their patients and their patients parents and these days, unfortunately, care is one of the hardest to come by commodities in the health industry.

Plus they gave me a daddy goodie bag with a backpack diaper bag (not a bad one to be honest), a changing pad, a blanket, a book (for the baby, “Goodnight Moon”) and a free can of baby gold (a.k.a. formula). Door prizes never hurt.

We met with one of the nurse practicianers for  about 40 minutes and the room we were in was one of the “teen” rooms. She was explaining how in each room, which are broken up by the age group of the patients, they have different sets of literature.    In the baby rooms they have pamphlets about breast feeding and getting your baby to sleep and stuff.  In the teen room they had ones about cocaine, extasy, and STDs. It got me thinking about how much the challenges a teenager faces has changed in the 10 or so short years since Steph and I were that age and makes me wonder what things our daughter will find on that wall when she’s 13. I hope it’s not worse, and I can even dream about it being better, but it reminds me, albeit a little before the fact, that I have a lot to do to raise this little girl right and give her the tools my parents gave me so that she can face those challenges, whatever they may be, and smile as they fly by her.

So we’ve ordered the crib and dresser and we are just waiting on the phone call for delivery.   We also found a local boutique that carries the same lady bug line as our nursery and we ordered the accessories that we could not get at Babies R Us.  Now we are just waiting for everything to come in so we can finish working on the Nursery.  We’ve gotten several cute outfits and are slowly working on getting things together.  Starting in October we are going to be taking our educational classes to get ready for the big event.  This month we have to find our pediatrician and do the glucose test to see if I have gestational diabetes.  We’ve cleaned the old office out and it’s ready for the furniture and accessories to make it into Linnea’s new room.

Most may say we are crazy, but we also started trying to get the dogs (Emma) used to a baby.  Our friends Juts and Ali welecomed Linnea’s best friend Lexi into the world August 12th.  We are going to get a tape of her crying to get them used to the sound of a baby crying for those times that our Linnea isn’t so happy.  We have a teddy bear in the bassinet that we’ve been treating like a baby and we bring it around with us to get them used to us taking something in and out of the bed and not jumping while we are holding our “baby”.  Emma seems to be doing very well with it and seems curious and those of you that know Amme she is too hyper and out of it to know anything is going on different from any other day.